How to Cope with Grief

Help for (TU Delft) Students in the Grieving Process

You are not alone. What you’re going through is hard, and it’s okay to admit that.

Grieving while studying is one of the hardest things you can experience. You’re expected to attend classes, meet deadlines, and function, while inside everything feels different. That’s not fair. And it’s not easy.

On this page, you’ll find information and support for dealing with loss. Not to tell you how to grieve, because that’s different for everyone. But to let you know that help is available, and that you don’t have to face this alone.

Grief is more than sadness

When we think of grief, we think of sadness. But grief is so much more. It can manifest in many ways:

Sadness Crying, emptiness, longing

Anger At the situation, at others, at yourself

Guilt “If only I had…”, regret, self-blame

Numbness Feeling detached, empty, distant

Anxiety About the future, about more loss

Relief And then guilt about feeling relieved

Physical symptoms Fatigue, sleep problems, pain

Concentration issues Difficulty focusing, forgetfulness

All these reactions are normal. You don’t have to be ashamed of them. Grief doesn’t follow a set pattern, and there’s no “right” way to grieve.

Loss comes in many forms

Grief isn’t just about the death of a loved one. You can also grieve for:

The end of a relationship
Loss of health (your own or someone else’s)
Losing a friendship
A changed vision of your future
Loss of a pet
Leaving your home country (as an international student)
A miscarriage or unfulfilled wish for children

Every loss counts. You don’t have to justify yourself.

Support at MoTiv

At MoTiv, we understand what you’re going through. We offer different forms of support, all free for TU Delft students.

Group sessions

Living with Loss

A series of five guided group sessions of two hours each, in small groups of about six participants. Here you can share your experiences with others who understand, learn strategies for coping with your grief, and discover that you’re not alone.

What to expect:

Personal intake conversation beforehand
Professional guidance by experienced facilitators
Safe, confidential environment
Available in Dutch and English

→ More about Living with Loss

Self-help

Helping Yourself Heal

A digital tool to work through grief at your own pace. Based on the work of grief expert Alan D. Wolfelt, this module offers practical tools to recognize your feelings, process them, and gradually build resilience.

The module includes:

Understanding grief: what you feel and why
Healing actions: talking about loss, treasuring memories
Self-care and support: boundaries, rituals, support network
Reflection exercises and journaling

→ Start Helping Yourself Heal

Individual

Coaching at MoTiv

Prefer one-on-one conversations? At MoTiv, you can have confidential sessions with an experienced coach. Together we explore what you need and how you can get through this difficult time.

→ More about coaching

Low-threshold

Student Support Line

Just want to talk to someone? The Student Support Line is staffed by trained fellow students. No waiting list, no appointment needed. Just someone who listens.

→ Get in touch

Not sure where to start?

That’s okay. Contact MoTiv and we’ll help you figure out which form of support fits you best.

support@motiv.tudelft.nl · 015-200-6060 · Voorstraat 60, Delft

Grieving and studying: practical tips

Combining grief with your studies is hard. Here are things that can help:

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Talk to your study advisor
They can help with deferrals, adjustments to your program, or other arrangements. You don’t have to explain everything, you can just say you’re dealing with a loss.

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Adjust your expectations
This is not the time to perform at maximum. Set small, achievable goals. It’s okay if your pace is slower than usual.

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Let people help
Friends and family often want to help but don’t know how. Tell them what you need, even if that’s: “Just sit with me.”

⏸️

Allow yourself breaks
Grief takes energy. Take rest when you need it, without guilt.

Self-care during grief

Taking care of yourself isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity. Here are ways to do that:

Maintain a routine

Even a simple routine (getting up, eating, moving) can provide structure in a chaotic time.

Move

A walk, cycling, yoga. Movement helps release tension and can improve your mood.

Sleep

Grief is exhausting. Try to get enough sleep, even if it’s difficult.

Eat well

Your appetite may change, but try to eat regularly. Your body needs fuel.

Express your feelings

Write in a journal, talk to someone, make art. Let it out.

Be kind to yourself

You’re doing your best in an impossible situation. That’s enough.

The stages of grief

You may have heard of the “five stages of grief.” These can help you understand your experience, but remember: grief is not linear. You can skip stages, go back, or experience several at once.

Denial It feels unreal. You’re functioning on autopilot. This is your brain protecting you from the shock.
Anger Frustration, resentment, the question “why?” This can be directed at others, at yourself, at the situation.
Bargaining “If only I had…” Thoughts about what you could have done differently. Guilt can play a role here.
Depression Deep sadness when reality sets in. Withdrawing, feeling empty, difficulty functioning.
Acceptance Not “being okay with the loss,” but learning to live with the new reality. The intensity decreases.

There’s no timeline for grief. Some people notice improvement after months, for others it takes longer. Both are normal.

Frequently asked questions

How long does grief last? There’s no fixed answer. Grief isn’t a problem you “solve.” It changes over time. The intense pain often becomes more bearable, but the loss remains part of your story.

Is it normal that I sometimes forget it happened? Yes. Moments of normalcy, even laughter, are normal and healthy. They don’t mean you care less about the person.

I feel guilty that I’m not more sad. Is something wrong? No. Everyone grieves differently. Some people feel numb, others cry a lot. There’s no “right” way.

How do I help a friend who is grieving? Be present. Listen without judgment. Offer practical help. Check in regularly, even after weeks or months. Avoid clichés like “it will be okay” or “I know how you feel.”

When should I seek professional help? If your grief remains overwhelming, you can no longer function, you have thoughts of hurting yourself, or you feel stuck. There’s no shame in seeking help, quite the opposite.